Day 2 (3sixty5)

While waiting at Jayce's Dr's appointment on Wednesday, he kept himself busy (and) happy by playing with the water. When he realized he could reach it was over!
He checked out to be fine. He seemed like he might have a sore throat or issue with his ears, but it was good. He seems to have allergies a little but nothing too bad. They gave us some zyrtec but he won't have it unless he needs it. As of now he seems to be feeling better each day. :0)

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Day 1 (3sixty5)

Bekah is practicing her reading with Daddy. We have to make sure she is at 20wpm for her testing in December and she is past that. We are very proud of her.

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New Design

Finally! I have taken the time to sit down, design my blog, and get it set up the way I want. It has been too long since I wrote on my here but with this last year going as fast as it has, it has me realizing how important it is to really remember and 'freeze' each day with memories. I mean it's already almost 2011!! I don't know why the world keeps spinning faster, but each year I find myself saying, "It feels like just yesterday...." and then ending with a date almost a year ago. It's depressing really because it's all flying by but I am determined to hold on to each one.

I was going to start a 365 project at the first of the year, but why wait!? With each day being one less together before Mike deploys and we have to wait 2 years to have the holiday's together again, now is the time to start and not wait. The only thing missing in our day to day is Michael, and it's tough to have him far away, but it'll be exciting to see him in March and be all together for a couple of weeks.

So tomorrow I will start taking pictures again (atleast 1 per day) and sharing them with what we did that day. Now I warn you, some days will be more boring than others!! LOL We are after all, a military family with school, work, and never enough beach days! :O)

Losing the Battle

Man it feels like my fast turning world is going to crash and shatter soon. This ride is making me sick, literally, and slowly I am becoming a big mess.
Moments each day, I think of life in a few months, I can feel the breath get sucked out of me and fill up with tears. I have done this twice before, and I really wish this crap would get easier. My life has turned back to the consuming fear of this could be our last everything and breaking that fear is incredibly hard. Our last Halloween, Thanksgiving, Christmas, we may not make it past 8 years together, I may never have him to kiss on my birthday again.
The Army wants my husband to leave again and fight, this time in Afghanistan. We have a few months together and then my life will be back to hell. How do you prepare for this crap!?? Like twice before there is no darn answer to that question. I am terrified. I have never felt so scared for a deployment. Maybe it's because I have two babies now....or maybe it's because of where he's going this time....or maybe because you can't help but wonder if his luck will run out 'this time'. Maybe it's the fear of another homecoming and the time it takes to pick up the pieces when he comes home, and the man you fell in love with has changed a little more again. I don't know, but I know I don't want the day to come when I have to watch him walk away from me Again and hope it's not the last time.
I feel so alone, and as an Army wife, you know you're not, but how can you tell others their husband will be fine, when you're trying to convince yourself the same thing. There are no guarantees in anything and I feel like a fraud when I try to be supportive to other ladies asking for my advice and guidance.
Pretend! That's all I know to do. Pretend he's down the street, pretend he'll be there when you wake up, pretend your heart isn't breaking every day, and no matter how much it feels like you are, you aren't losing the battle of keeping it together! I hate pretending....